Shadows of Before
by Mystic Blue Rose
Summary: Duo and Hilde remeber a past life together...My favorite thing I've ever written


This is the HTML and slightly corrected version (yet again! cause my pc messes things up!)

**Warnings** somewhat AU maybe chick-flicky!

Pairings 2XH, 1XR, Mainly about Duo though....

Shadows of Before

By Stargurl117  


** AC198-Present-**

I woke up in the middle of the night again, from nightmares I couldn't remember. This had been happening a lot lately, what with the war being over. Now that I thought about it, I had had strange dreams and nightmares when I was a kid too.

Could these dreams be memories? Could they even be memories of my parents? From when I was a baby? I walked out my window and looked at the stars. I loved it here, too bad I had to be here for such a sad reason. Howard had a stroke and I offered to stay with him while he recovered. As sick as this may sound it couldn't of happened at a better time. I was driving Hildie crazy! I don't get it, she can survive a war no prob, but ruining a few shirts of hers, and blowing up a couple of microwaves is some kinda big deal.

I tried hard to remember my dream it had something to do with someone in shadows, and they held out their hand to me, I remember that. And they were trying to tell me something. I wish I could remember because it was something big, ya know? Something from the past.

***

**Before-**

The blood soaked ground was even beginning to annoy me. Theground was so soaked with blood it was beginning to drip down the walls of my chambers. There was so much blood it was beginning to stain my brown rock décor. 

The main metal door to my chambers slammed open. It was pushed so hard the spikes on it carved into the brown rock walls behind them.

"Shinigami!" 

"Ah Heero, I thought I heard my door open. What can I do for you?"

His armor shined in the firelight of the room. His blue eyes were in a fiery range. He had a look so menacing, you never would have know he was an angel, if it weren't for the long, glittering angel wings trailing behind him.

"This war has to stop" he hissed, "Too many lives are being lost"

Another angel, named Quatre came in at this time. The firelight seemed to complement his light gold hair, green eyes,and silver armor. He was not as rash as Heero, more thoughtful, he wasn't as much fun to play mind games with either.

"Shinigami, we believe the mortals' war continuing like this is your doing, if it is, stop it, or you'll be out of lives to take." He declared. I must admit, for an angel with a kind heart, Quatre was amazingly strong-willed. 

Now for the fun part, mind games with Heero. "You know I'd stop this war if I could, after all in war everyone dies the exact same way, no originality. It gets boring when it goes on like this. Even if I did stop it, they'd only start another." I paused to see Heero's eyes flash. "I'm doing you a favor you know, if all but say, four mortals died. Those four mortals would repopulate their world and teach their children not to fight. Maybe then we could truly have no war."

Quatre looked intrigued and sickened by my idea at the same time. Heero looked like he wanted to kill me. 

"Then we can go back to having deaths thanks to disease, much more interesting if you ask me."

"You Monster!" Heero screamed taking a leap toward me, whipping out is silver sward and angling it, proving he was ready to take me on in battle.

"Is that still a soft spot with you? You really should get over it Heero, death comes to every mortal you know," I paused to make him think that was the end of my statement."Not just the one you're in love with." I finished cruelly. 

He breathed hard, trying desperately to control his temper. It was fun to play mind games with him, but I also did it for another reason. To make him understand. Maybe he would in a few centuries. 

He hated me for what I had done. His hatred for me filled the room. He acted like he was the only person I had ever hurt. 

"Don't worry you'll see her again in time, won't you? When she becomes an angel? Or has she been reborn?"

Heero almost lunged at me then, but he decided against it at began to aim his blade at my throat.

"Heero stop!" Quatre yelled. "If we can't stop our own feud, how do we expect the mortals to?" 

Heero sheathed his sward, shot me a look of pure hatred, and went to join Quatre near the entrance to my chambers. 

"Shinigami! I will stop the mortal war! Just in spite of you!" he declared over his shoulder then left.

I watched him leave then turned around to face one of my rock walls. All though he had left, his hatred stayed in the room. 

"Are you trying to teach the mortals something by this war? Or are you just bored?" Quatre asked. 

"Mortals are stubborn, not even a God can teach them the value of a life," I replied "Maybe our lives would beless stressful without them and their stupid wars." 

"That doesn't answer my question. What are you trying to achieve by all this?"

"Peace," I answered.

I heard him turn to leave.

"Quatre? I don't think you are capable of hate but....Do you hate me? For taking him I mean."

We both turned to face each other. There were tears in his eyes. "My job was to protect him, to ease his pain, to not leave him alone. I was his Guardian. He was not afraid of death when you took him. You stopped his pain. All though I didn't want you to take him, I truly couldn't be happy while he wasin pain." He closed his eyes to fight back the tears. "I don't hate you. Besides I'm sure we'll meet again... someday..." he laughed, "And hopefully under happier circumstances."

We both smiled at each other and he left, leaving the door open. I was alone again. I am always alone.

****

** Present-**

Night after night I wake up from bad nightmares. They just come, one after another. I was starting to remember them more and more. The figure in shadows extending their hand to me. I don't usually take dreams so seriously, but this seems so damn important. And I wonder what the Hell I'm doing in the daytime that makes me see such creepy things at night.

****

** Before-**

Quatre-

"We're running out of options," Heero said. I raced just to keep up with him as he practically ran through the underground rock caves. 

Shinigami's caves were absolutely fascinating. The walls were light brown rocks with blood red lines running through them. Near the walls were little flames that walked along side you wherever you went, so you would never be without light. 

"Do you think Shinigami is really the reason this war is continuing?" I asked.

"He's the God of Death, of course he's the reason," he snapped.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"To see Wufei."

"But he said not to be disturbed"

"Because he is concentrating on stopping the war and so are we. Now that we know that Shinigami's behind it, maybe he can think of a solution."

I wondered if his hatred for Shinigami was clouding his judgment. Shinigami was right, he should let it go after all this time. 

A long time ago Heero fell in love with a mortal. It's a match that frowned upon, but Heero didn't care. He was absolutely infatuated with her. He went to the mortal world everyday just to be with her. Relena just thought he was a normal man, she didn't know he was an angel. She wouldn't have cared if she did because she loved him so much. 

Heero saw Shinigami's shadow cast over her, the sign that she would soon die. He didn't believe it though. But soon after there was an epidemic, and Relena fell ill. Heero used his powers and tried for almost half a year to stop her pain and cure her. Relena finally begged Heero to let her die, but Heero said he could cure her. Even with Heero's efforts, she died the next day. Heero blamed Shinigami for her death, thinking he took her on purpose.

You see, there are two kinds of angels. Heero and I were born angels, we have never lived mortal lives, we watch over mortals and sometimes walk among them, usually for fun. The other kind are the kind that have lived before, they may have lived several lives, or just one, it takes a while before those who have lived before can become angels though. Heero has no idea where Relena is, whether she is a spirit, an angel, or in another life. We don't have the kind of power it takes to find out. Not even Shinigami has that kind of power.

I had a similar story. I was the Guardian of a boy named Trowa. I had known him since birth. He was very quiet and very smart. I think he could always sense my presence. . Around the age of 15, he grew ill with the same illness Relena had. I admired his strength, even though he was scared. I was very close to him, he was the first mortal I had watched over since birth. I finally revealed myself to him, I sat next to his bedside and watched him wince from the pain. I fought back the tears as I watched Shinigami's shadow grow darker around him. I thought he would die in the night. 

I was wrong. The next day he felt good enough to go for a walk with me. He told me he wasn't afraid of death anymore. I honestly think Shinigami waited for him not to be scared anymore.He fainted in my arms and died then. But at least he wasn't scared.

I thanked Shinigami for that.

We reached Wufei's, and opened the tall brass doors and walked into a dimly light room. Wufei was in the center of the room, sitting cross-legged on the floor meditating. He chose not to show his angel wings. 

Wufei and I do not usually see eye-to-eye. Neither do Heero and Wufei. Wufei has never experienced a loss like Heero and I have. Though Wufei cares for the people he watches over, he doesn't get "attached," as he puts it. He thinks Heero and I are weak for letting ourselves getting attached.

His black eyes snapped open. "What is it?" he asked in a warning tone.

"Shinigami is behind the war, do you know how we can stop him?" Heero asked

Wufei closed his eyes again, and was silent for a moment. "You're angry because he took something from you" he said quietly "You're not just saying that to get revenge are you?"

"Of course not!" Heero yelled. "Shinigami needs to learn he is not as powerful as he thinks he is!"

Wufei still kept his eyes closed "When you lost the girl you felt absolutely powerless didn't you?"

Heero hung his head in silence. 

"Then the answer is simple" Wufei stated. "To make Shinigami feel powerless and stop interfering with the war we must take something from him."

****

**Present-**

Hildie called today. I told her about my recurring dreams. She said she wants to come and help me take care of Howard, so she'll be here tomorrow. 

Hildie... It'll be good to see her again.

***

** Before-**

I sat in my chambers sulking in my own loneliness. Who cares if all the mortals die? They will never be alone like me. I usually care whether mortals live or die but not anymore.They're stupid, and take things for granted. Let them die and take all their wars with them to Hell.

I walked through my tunnels till I came to the surface. Also know as the mortal realm. Funny this part of it didn't seem war-stricken. I waved my hand and changed my appearance from black robes to black pants and a white shirt. I kept my long braid, in order to stand out.

I walked a short distance to the nearest town, and decided to go to the tavern. I was in need of liquor.

I walked into the room full of drunken arm-wrestling men. I noticed a young girl sitting in the corner on a bench, a book in one hand, a glass of whine in the other. I was instantly intrigued by this girl, who dared to read in the chaotic room. 

"Hello," I greeted her.

"Whatever it is the answer is no," she replied flatly, not looking up from her book.

"Odd place for woman," I commented.

"Not if she owns the place."

"You own it? With your husband?"

She finally looked up at me, "It was left to me, my whole family died from illness three weeks ago. I'm not married,but that doesn't mean you can have a good time with me if you get the idea."

I took a seat next to her on the bench, careful not to step onher long, light green skirts as I did so. "I'm sorry," I told her observing her long, slightly curly black hair, and looking straight into her dark blue eyes. "Though I don't know what it's like to loose someone."

She stared straight back into my eyes. "What do you mean?"

I looked away from her, "I've never had any one to loose."

"I'm sorry," she replied setting her whine down and gently touching my knee. 

I turned to look at her again. I gently brushed some of her hair away from her face, "I'm sure you'll be able to go on.You certainly seem strong enough."

She showed a puzzled expression for a moment "Blue-violet? That's an odd eye color I had a friend with that eye color." She leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Better be careful who you show those beautiful eyes to my friend was burned as a witch because ofher eyes." She giggled and I jumped back. Just how disturbed was this girl? Was she this disturbed BEFORE her family died?

She got up and started to walk away. Then looked over her shoulder and laughed, "It was a joke get over it you look like you've seen a ghost!" She smiled and blew me a kiss, then started to walk away again.

"Wait!"

She stopped and looked over her shoulder again"What?"

"What's your name? I don't know it."

"Call me Hildie.What's yours?"

I thought about that for a moment, if I said Shinigami, she'd prabably laugh, but I didn't want to take the risk.

"Call me Duo, cause I live two lives."

"All right then....Duo...I like that"

******

**Present-**

"Duo!" Hildie yelled, setting her bags down onHoward's front lawn and running to greet me in the doorway.She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. It made me realize how much I missed her. God... if anything ever happened to her.... I didn't wanna let go of her.

"Uh....Duo... I missed you too...but now is the time for a hug to end," she stammered.

"Oh, sorry!" I laughed.

"So...Howard how are you feeling?" Hildie asked.

Howard? I turned around. How long had he been standing there?

"I'm doing fine...except the kid here's been trying to kill me with cooking, and has already killed two of my good shirts by not knowing how to separate lights and darks.." he chuckled.

"Howard, none of your shirts are good," I told him. 

"Well as for the cooking, I can fix that, let me go fix us some lunch," Hildie declared, already half way to the kitchen. I started to follow her when I noticed Howard was shooting me a devil grin that said something along the lines of 'you dog'. I shrugged and proceeded to follow Hildie to the kitchen.

******

** Before-**

Hildie.... I had known her for over a month now I couldn't get her out of my head. The way she did...well..everythin... Her spirit, it just enthralled me. 

I made my way through the dark streets as I headed for the tavern. 

Hildie looked up when she heard the door open. "Duo? What are you doing here? It's really late..."

"I had to see you..."

"Why what's the matter?"

"Nothing is the matter..." Why was this so hard?"... I just HAD to see you.."

She blushed and took a seat on a barstool, "Duo....? Do you believe that people really go to Hell for their sins?"

"I don't believe there is a Hell, I believe life is the true Hell....but there are a few exceptions to this I'm sure."

"In that case... come upstairs..." She said quietly, heading for the stairs.

I followed her, far be it for me to refuse such a kind offer.

****

**Present-**

Hildie and I sat out in Howard's back yard and talked. I told her about my dream with the figure in shadows. 

"Boy this has got you really on edge, hasn't it?"

"Yeah it's just in the back of my mind haunting me" I replied.

Hildie laughed, "I'm surprised you're taking a dream so seriously, considering the few things you take seriously in real life,"

"Ha ha very funny."

She looked down for a moment, her eyes glazed over as if she was in a trance.

"Yo Hildie, you OK? You're creeping me out."

She blinked, "Oh....yeah .... I'm fine, I just feel like there was something I needed to tell you....but I forgot." She smiled. "Don't worry about it!"She got up brushed the grass off, leaned over and kissed me. Shedid it so suddenly it surprised me, and I had forgotten what a good kisser she was.

She started to walk in the house, and I followed. Hildie entered the house about the time I got the steps of the backporch.

"Whoop-esh"

I turned to see Howard sitting in a chair on the porch.

"What?" I asked.

"Whoop-esh," he repeated cracking an imaginary whip in the air.

"Hey ....I am not whipped, OK?"

The old man looked down at his pink Hawaiian shirt, then broke out in hysterical laughter.

"I am not whipped, I've got her wrapped around my little finger," I declared holding up my pinky. "I always have had a way with women."

****

** Before-**

What was the matter with me? My emotions were completely out of control. It's like Hildie had the ability to play mind games with me. She put a spell over me. I had spent the night with mortal women before.....but this was different...I couldn't explain it.

I sat up in bed and looked at the sleeping Hildie next to me.She looked so innocent. She looked like she trusted me completely. It wasn't a look I get a lot since all of the women in my bed are in a trance.

What was this horrible heart-wrenching, organ twisting feeling? Why was it horrible and wonderful at the same time? Oh God no. This can't be...love? No don't even think that, I told myself looking away from Hildie. I've lived thousands of years and never felt real love before, so I must be incapable of it. Of course I've lived thousands of years and never felt like this before.

I looked at her again..... If I truly could love someone....I'd want it to be her... If I did love her I should tell her about me...the real me... no.. I couldn't reveal myself...not even to her. 

I kissed her on the cheek, "I love you..." 

She was no mortal. She was an angel... had to be... no wait...Heero's one of those too, and she was definitely better than him.

"I could make you a Goddess..." I whispered in her ear.

I got dressed and headed down the stairs. 

There sitting at the bar, drinking something was Heero. Beside him was Quatre. They didn't have their angel wings out, but they did have their silver armor on. Way to blend guys.

"Looks like you just got out of bed..." Heero said.

"Your hair always makes you like you just got out of bed.." I replied coldly. What a horrible thing to see first thing in the morning.

"Shinigami..."Quatre started.

"If this about that little war... forget it. I'm not in the mood. I'll admit I might have done something to start that war up again, but now it's out of my control... only the mortals can stop it now,"

"This isn't about the war anymore... now that you've stopped interfering... This so you'll get off your high horse. So you don't something else equally stupid." Heero replied.

"High horse? That doesn't sound like you Heero."

"Duo? Did you open the tavern without me? Who are these men?" Hildie asked from the stairs. 

She approached Heero, who stood up. "I've seen you somewhere before...." She turned to face me "Do you know him Duo?"

I heard the sound of a gun and saw Hildie's dress become soaked with blood around her waist. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell backwards into Heero's arms.

This couldn't be happening....She can't be dead...Angels don't have that kind of power, do they? She was dead. I felt it. I fell to the floor and began ramming my fists into the floorboards. I was furious at Heero. I was even more angry at myself. I am supposed to respect the balance of life and death. I didn't when I started up the mortal's war again. I knew it would make the angels angry, I didn't care, because I knew they couldn't hurt me. 

I was so wrong. The pain was unbearable. Heero threw me the musket he had used. I watched it spin circles on the floor in front of me. I looked up at him, "Is this how it feels?"

He looked down at Hildie. "Yes..."he sighed.

I looked over at Quatre, who sent me a pleading look of pity.I looked back at Hildie and watched in awe as her limp form sprouted angel wings that stretched to the floor. 

Then I understood. She was a fallen angel. Our meeting was fate, planned by those who wanted to teach me my limits. They knew I would fall in love with her. I had been part of an elaborate plan.

I heard the door open and recognized the pair that walked in instantly, Trowa and Relena. Followed by Wufei. 

"Relena ... it's you.." Heero said in awe. 

She smiled softly and spread her angel wings.

Quatre stared crying when he saw Trowa again, who smiled at him and also spread his wings.

Relena reached down for the pouch hanging from the gold chord at the waist of her white slip. She poured the contents into the palm of her hand and blew gently on the sparkling dust so it filled the room, and her spell began.

"We are sentenced to meet again, in another place another time, far away from here. We are sentenced to joy. We sentenced to sadness. We are sentenced to mortality..."

*****

** Present-**

I sat up in bed. That dream... It was too real to be a dream... It freaked me out. I got up and walked to Hildie's room. Maybe if I talked it off the freaky-ness would go away. 

Hildie? Can I talk to you for a sec...?"

Her blue eyes shined in the dim light. I looked at her, she looked like she was in the same trance she was in this afternoon.

"Shinigami? Duo?" She asked. "Why didn't you tell me you were Shinigami?" 

"I was afraid of what you would think...." Whoa!Where did that come from?!? How dare my mouth talk without my permission! 

"Shinigami... We'll find happiness this time...I promise." She extended her hand to me. Then she blinked coming out of her trance. "Duo? What are you doing here? Did I say something just now...?"

"I came to tell you...to promise you that we'll find happiness this time...I swear it."

Hildie looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Then she blinked and looked like she'd realized what I'd just said. She smiled.

I could barely see her standing in the shadows. I took her extended hand.

*****

I think this is my favorite fic out of all that I've written....Sorry if it didn't make much sense, I haven't been getting much sleep lately. Please give me Feedback! Sorry if it was too chick-flicky!

Thanks for reading,

*~Stargurl117~*


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